reconnection

I had such a fantastic time with Jos last night. It’s unreal.

First we went to a party – just a regular birthday-type party with some friends. When we left, I was really irritable, and he was kind of crashy, so that wasn’t looking good. We exercised in the rec room at my complex. I felt great afterwards, but he was more crashy than ever. We sat in the living room facing each other. He was stony and looked like, if he said anything, it would be something hurtful.

After a while, he told me that he thinks the reason he has trouble relaxing at my place is that we always come with plans. I don’t think that’s really true, but it’s kind of a no-win for me either way. Of course I had been talking about my plans for the evening a lot of the day.

When he told me he was crashing, I asked if I could hold him. We went to my bed and got mostly naked and I held him tight through his crash.

When he was feeling a little better, he said he wasn’t sure if he could get through a scene, although he wasn’t refusing.

“Do you trust me to find out?” I asked.

“I do,” he said with some astonishment. I was clear that I was going to have a scene with him unless he withdrew consent. Despite his mood I wanted to proceed. I told him this but reminded him that I didn’t want to break him, and that we had a mutual responsibility not to do that. And I felt like he was stabilizing, so it didn’t seem too risky.

I had him strip the rest of the way and kneel in front of me. I told him that, for the first part of the scene, he wouldn’t be allowed to speak (unless he was thirsty, needed to go to the bathroom, or became emotionally distressed) nor make eye contact.

I lay face down on the bed and had him scratch me all over. (I never use lotion, and my skin gets really dry in the winter.) I then had him apply lotion to my entire body. He did it in a methodical but sexy way, incorporating a bit of massage and (intentional?) sexual teasing. It was pretty hot for me, and having him not allowed to speak kept me from talking much. (He said later that it really put him into headspace.)

When he was done, he knelt again. I put shackles on his wrists, and had him put the others on his ankles. I stood him up and connected his wrists with a carabiner. I told him he was allowed to speak and look me in the eyes, and he said, “Thank you, Mistress,” and did look at me, and we kissed some.

I had him kneel on all fours on the bed, doggie style. I lubed his ass with my fingers and then fucked him with two dildos, one small twisty one, and one larger one made of clay. Hearing him moan (in pain and strangeness) and feeling him wanting to get away but not doing it…it was hot. I got dizzy with it. I wanted to own him. (I do own him.) It went on for a while. I humped his foot in lust.

I had him lie down while I washed up. When I came back I put him on his back, and connected each wrist to the corresponding ankle (with his knees bent, of course). I ran chains from each wrist/ankle to the underside of the bed, pinning him as helplessly as I could.

I took some time then to just kiss him. I loved how he looked that way – pinned like that, legs open. I held his head while I kissed his mouth.

All of these things feel boring to describe, but none of them were boring to experience.

I didn’t really know how much pain I could wrest from Jos, who is not really a masochist at the level at which I hurt him, but I got a few tools and went to work on the inside of his right thigh. I wanted to bruise him. I spent a pretty long time working on it, going slow when I needed to. He yelled a lot.  I was very controlled, but enjoying his pain.

Afterwards, more kissing. Lots more kissing. I unfastened his wrists. He was desperately horny – he had stayed mostly hard throughout the scene, which is rare – and I had him edge himself eight times. (I counted.) Vast quantities of cum came out although I never let him actually have an orgasm.

Then I was ready for aftercare, but he felt things were incomplete. He begged me to have an orgasm, so I did – screaming like a crazy person.

I held him for a while, and then we fucked, and it felt fantastic. He fucked me steadily despite how close to coming he was, and despite how badly he wanted it. Eventually I said, “You can come. Look me in the eyes and scream.” And he did. God did he ever.

A few minutes later, I said, “Well, you may not be in aftercare, but I am.”

I had another orgasm later when we went to bed and I realized I was still horny.

Doing that stuff to him turns me on. It turns me on and it makes me love him so much, so hard, so…mph. Lying in bed later, in the dark, he was smiling at me and it just made me writhe all over – I couldn’t stand how cute he was.

My domness is coming back.

a strong reaction to a trifle of a scene

Joscelin and I had a little scene last night.  Afterwards, when he said, “That was surprisingly good for how inexpensive it was,” before he clarified that he meant our dinner, I assumed he was talking metaphorically of the low time and effort invested in just a bit of messing around.

This is how it went down.  I put a dog choke collar (the kind with the blunt spikes that tighten if you pull on it) around his neck, and leathery cuffs on ankles and wrists.  I had him lie down on the bed, on his back, knees up.  With carabiners, I connected ankle to wrist on each side. 

He could have still closed his legs, so I ran a cord under the bed (explaining kindly that I wasn’t planning to hit him with the striking implement I used to get the cord from one side to the other) and tied each end to the corresponding ankle.

He could still have moved his knees together, but his ankles were firmly anchored, and his hands rendered useless.  This was all very easy to set up.

I blindfolded him for a minute so I could get more set up.  (“Blindfolded” isn’t quite true.  I laid a folded-up sheet over his head.) 

I pulled out a painted clay dildo he had never seen and placed it in his hand. 

It happens sometimes that, despite my total lack of crafty skills or artistic vision, I get bored and make things.  Often these things are dildos (or chess pieces) even though I really do not use dildos myself (and rarely play chess).  So I have this lovely clay dildo, made of regular modeling clay over an aluminum foil base.  It’s about the length of a smallish cock, and about half the width of Joscelin’s.  It is (purposely) bumpy all over.  At the base is a large bulb.  It is painted dark red and blue with acrylic paints.

“Do you know what that is?” I asked him.

“A dildo?”

“Do you know what I’m going to do with it?”

“Put it in my ass?”

“Yeah.”

As I got out some other supplies (condom, lube, some little cloths, etc.) he said, “I’m kind of scared.”  That was cool.  (We have done very little anal play at all.)

When I read femdom stories, sometimes I am left wondering what the hell the woman was supposed to be getting out of it.  You may be wondering this now, so let me answer.  I was curious how more anal stimulation would affect Joscelin.  I find the idea of someone being strapped down, unable to close their legs, and penetrated rather hot.  And it was something I’ve been meaning to do that isn’t very difficult, loud (my roommate’s sensitive girlfriend was there), or exhaustingly intense.  It was, in other words, fairly trifling for me – just something to do for fun on a work night.  It was also a good chance to try a new bondage scheme, which turned out rather well.

I lubed and warmed him up with my fingers.  He was intensely horny from some teasing earlier in the day, and thus nicely responsive in a general sense, but I wasn’t sure how what I was doing to him was affecting him.

At some point, he again said he was a bit afraid, and then asked me, “Do you want me to be afraid?”  I know he likes to know what I’m looking for, or what I’m trying to accomplish, but I was really open to all possibilities and couldn’t really answer the question.  (I said something lame like, “I want you to feel whatever you’re feeling.”)

I pulled a condom over the dildo, lubed it up, and pressed it inside him.  The change to the hard dildo, from my flexible and sensitive fingers, was slightly scary for me.  At least with my hand I could feel exactly what I was doing.  But it went in smoothly enough.  I paused here and there when he would make some sound.  (I am not interested in hurting him anally, at least not without being in more control of it than that.)

Once it was in as far as it would go, I fucked him with it for a little while, with some pauses.  His responses were strong but I don’t know how to characterize them – pleasure?  pain?  just a sense of being helplessly penetrated?  He made sounds and rolled his head back.

I would have enjoyed the scene more had I known then, as I learned later, that his inner thighs felt naked to him because of the restraints.  And that he was having a fantastic time (so good, it made him feel guilty because he wasn’t sure he was serving me).

I left the dildo inside him after a while, cleaned some lube off my hands, and kissed him for a long time.  I kissed him from above, of course, and I love that feeling, like his mouth is laid out for me as a delicacy.  His whole face is, really – I sometimes grab his jaw or his hair with my hand.  I feel powerful kissing from above.  Last night I felt tender and protective.

He was so aroused that I was able to bring him off one-handed, which is unprecedented.  It was quick, too.  I would have made him beg for it if I hadn’t been so pleased that I was succeeding at it.  He came screaming.  I’ve never heard him scream like that.

Afterwards, I made him bring me off while still covered in his own cum, which he hates.

Later he absolutely raved about the scene, which surprised me because, well, there was not much to it.  Was it the bondage?  The helplessness?  The anal stimulation?  I am still not to the bottom of it.  Certainly it did not deserve this description, delivered this morning via IM:

It was an amazing combination of love, lust, submission, obedience, violation, exploration, respect, understanding, and power, mixed together with the brilliance of a Picasso, and amped several orders of magnitude.

(And no, he doesn’t rhapsodize about every scene.)

last night

Jos came over last night and we had some fun times together. This whole post is explicit, so feel free to skip it if you’re not in the mood.

First, at his house, Ihad him kneel for me while I read some stuff on his computer. Then we went to Wendy’s, where we sat in the car and discussed why I am his Mistress, and then ate inside and discussed a particular “dark fantasy” scenario of mine that started with his refusing to kneel for me.

At my place, I sat on the bed with my back against the wall, had Jos lie over my legs, and spanked him for a while. I started with a small wooden spatula, which is lightweight and stingy in a very diffuse way, and I kept it pretty light. Then I moved to a wooden spoon, which gives a much sharper sensation due to its convexity. I still kept this relatively light, but I did let him get a little squirmy. Then I moved on to the plastic paddle I have, which is quite smacky, and after doing that in a moderate fashion for a while, I finally ramped it up to a pretty intense place (where I had to occasionally remind him to breathe) for the last couple of minutes. It was a nice progression. Afterwards, his ass was pink all over and just slightly abraded in one spot.

I kept my position against the wall and got some good lube. I instructed Jos to lie with his head towards my feet, on his stomach. My legs were under his thighs and his knees were bent outside of my arms, so he was basically lying with his ass completely open to me.

I told him to be sure to tell me if I hurt him – because hurting him was not my intent at all – and I lubed him up and began inserting fingers. The forefinger went in readily, and then the middle one, and then both. He was nice and relaxed. I had him tense with each new configuration so he could really feel it. (This also made him feel deliciously controlled.)

Eventually, I got all four fingers plus my thumb into him, up to the middle set of knuckles. I couldn’t go any deeper because he was not empty inside, but I was impressed by how expandable he was, and how relaxed he could be in letting me do that. I could be wrong, but I have the feeling my whole hand will go in the next time there’s room (vertically) for it.

He asked me to please keep a camera nearby so I can take a picture if that happens!

We also had some adventures that might squick some people or trigger phobias.