the miracle of orgasms

A few weeks ago, I asked Joscelin to take away my vibrator.  Historically, it’s been the only way I’ve had orgasms.  When I owned Jos, we did go through a short period when I was having him give them to me, which we both enjoyed, but then I started using the vibrator again…and doing so makes it extremely difficult for me to come by other kinds of stimulation.  I kind of wanted go back, but giving up my ability to easily masturbate was difficult to choose at any given moment, so I didn’t.

I’m not under any particular orgasm restriction right now.  I am allowed to masturbate to orgasm.  But I have not succeeded at doing so yet (I think I’ve only managed it once or twice in my life), so in effect, all of my orgasms come from Jos.  And he gives them to me somewhat regularly, but not as often as I used to choose on my own.

And they are amazing.

One of the games I play with myself sometimes while masturbating is to force myself to relax the muscles of my pussy (the kegel ones), which is unnatural when I’m being stimulated.  It makes it feel like the sensation is washing over me and I can’t actually get hold of it.  It becomes more and more difficult as I get closer to orgasm, and if I try to come that way, a sharp pain arises that forces me to tense and have the orgasm (which will then be painful).  But generally if I am doing this with myself, I can’t make myself be relaxed all that much, so I just alternate for a bit before moving on to something else.

I let Jos in on this secret, of course.  He also knows that I come more easily when it feels like I’m not getting enough stimulation.  He also knows I will obey him.  He also knows he controls me completely.

When I ask him if he will give me an orgasm, and he says yes, I know that’s it – it’s like I’m strapped into the roller coaster and there is no turning back.  I have no control from that point forward.

Lately what he does is that he makes me relax the muscles and then he teases the everloving fuck out of me.  He strokes my lips and clit so subtly that it’s amazing it feels like anything at all.  He lets his finger just graze over the best spot and I can’t do a damn thing about it.  Sometimes he rests his finger right there and just twitches it ever so slightly.

It makes me insane.  It thrills me.  It is like all my masturbatory fantasies came true.  It makes me never, ever want to have an orgasm any other way.  It turns me into a hot submissive mess.

Last night, he did this, and made me keep the relaxed muscles until I was afraid I was going to come and not be able to control it at all, and when I told him I was getting close and fearful that this would happen, he kept going, but with less stimulation for a while, and then he ramped it up until it took absolutely every drop of my will power to stay relaxed, and when I told him again that I was going to come and not be able to control it…

he said, “That’s OK, you’re done for tonight,” and took his hand away.

And in between expressions of desperation, I thanked him profusely.