the full brunt!

In a comment yesterday, Joscelin wrote

I carry a persistent feeling of needing to sort of “protect” you from my sexuality. I feel that while you obviously like what you have, given the full brunt of it, you’d probably run away. To be honest, I’m pretty sure that this was an accurate assessment in the past. But constantly restraining myself in that manner makes me feel alone. It’s that alone-ness that I was struggling with.

I was very excited that he explained what he had been feeling in more detail.  And the details were themselves exciting.  And I have two answers to the question of whether I would run away if I was given the full brunt of his submission – one reassuring, and one correct.  Both are true.

I’ll start with the correct answer.  I don’t think Joscelin can be complete in a relationship without sharing his full sexuality with his partner.  So if he shows it to me, and I run away, then we really weren’t compatible.  It would still be a loss, for sure, but…it’s better to know than not, I think.

The reassuring answer is that I am pretty sure I will like the full brunt.  I can think of ways it could be to make this not true, mind you.  If the full brunt means a lot more demands, pushing, and needs, without corresponding benefits for me, then it could be a problem.  I don’t have a lot of capacity for being Yet More Dominant right now, nor do I have an endless appetite for it (i.e., even if our time were 100% leisure time, it wouldn’t be 24/7 scenes).

I say this not to be negative, but because there is always a danger in telling your partner they don’t have to exercise any care around something they’ve previously been careful about.  You don’t know what all they’ve been holding back, do you?  It might be a lot.  It might be too much, or it might be too much all at once.

But even though I’m talking in caveats, what I feel is, “There’s more?  More?  I want more.  Bring on the more!”  I feel like a dog who heard someone say “park” or “cheese.”  What cheese?  Cheese now?  Is there cheese?  Cheese!!

I don’t expect Jos to just fling the whole package at me, but I can’t wait to talk more about it, and I’m excited at the thought of more stuff to explore together.