da relationship

It definitely seems to have gone into a new phase for me (as mentioned previously).

There are days when I don’t want to continue.  Unlike in previous relationships (which, as a commenter pointed out, occurred pretty far in the past), I don’t feel contempt for Jos, or dislike him, or feel angry towards him.  But I do feel…what?  Vacant.  Uninvolved.  Something like that.

And other times, I feel what I have in the past – love as well as deep liking and enjoyment.

I think Jos has now gone into the same category as a lot of other things in my life, like my job, exercise, and math: when I put in energy, I get enjoyment and fulfillment, and when I don’t, then…I don’t.  (I love my job exactly in proportion to how much I am working vs. goofing off.)

I don’t really know what this means for the future.  I also think that one of the major difficulties of our life together – Jos’s adjustment to having a full-time job-type job (vs. the differently hard experience of being a grad student / writing a thesis) – may pass or ease over time.

You’ll be the third to know.