ruining orgasms

Even though I think I have hardly ever written about them at all, “ruined orgasm” is one of the top searches that brings people to this blog.  (If you have a bdsm blog and you talk about orgasms at all you may have noticed that orgasm control, denial, ruining, abandoning, etc., is a major fetish interest.)  But Joscelin and I never played with intentional ruined orgasms before now, as best I can recall.  I was inspired to try it by Thumper, actually, who wrote about his partner possibly using ruined orgasms to enable him to fuck her better during general chastity.

For many men, including Jos, being orgasm-denied makes it difficult to fuck without coming.  We both enjoy how hard and torturous it is for him, but I also want to get fucked properly – relatively hard and steady – and that’s not always possible.  The theory is that, if the man has a ruined orgasm first, he’ll be able (once he gets hard again) to fuck for a while, but in the meantime, the ruined orgasm won’t have given him much pleasure, and might be its own form of torture.

I have occasionally ruined an orgasm of my own by mistake.  In my case, withdrawing stimulation once I am past the point of no return does the trick.  There is some throbbing but it’s not the full-on orgasm and it doesn’t really feel nice.  I’ve never done this on purpose for a partner, or had it done to me, but the thought of that practically makes me break out in a cold sweat.  It sounds just awful.

I’ve had Jos ruin three orgasms this week.  In his case, simply ceasing stimulation doesn’t ruin it – what ruins it is something he does “inside” – basically I think he refrains from clamping down in the way that makes the orgasm an orgasm.  He still holds on to his cock a bit just so he doesn’t make a mess.  (He could stop touching himself and still have a full orgasm.)

I’ve watched two of these now.  Very, very sexy.  The first time I had him ruin one for me, he said it was nicer than not having an orgasm at all.  The third time – one of the times I watched – he was really kind of wretched afterwards with deprivation, and said it was worse than just not coming.  That was really nice.

We haven’t tried the ruined orgasm + fucking thing yet, but I watched him masturbate once after the ruinage, with the new erection, and he was rubbing himself a lot more firmly and for a lot longer than he had been before the ruined one, which suggests he’ll be able to fuck me well too.

I can’t wait to try it.