During our long talk the other night, Joscelin brought up a conflict that we don’t seem to have any more – between my desire for willing submission and his desire to be subjugated, or forced to submit. In the very beginning of our relationship, he offered me purely willing submission, claiming to want to serve me. (It wasn’t as deep as the submission I get now; I had to earn that.) And then over time it emerged that what is really hot for him is feeling forced, like he has no choice. And those are two different things.
Except I really don’t feel the difference anymore. It’s become a kind of theoretical distinction, and I’m capable of moving fluidly between them and enjoying both.
Kneeling at my feet and looking at me with submissive eyes? Submission.
Saying, “Mistress, I don’t want to do this,” and then “Yes, Mistress” when I tell him that he has to do it anyway? Subjugation.
But I think instead of experiencing these categories as somehow opposed, I just experience the whole flow of things as they actually are. (“It is what it is” as people sometimes say.) Jos is submissive to me, both in the willing service sense, and in that he has negotiated an arrangement in which I can make him do things he really doesn’t want to do.
And it is all hot.
I like the idea that that evolved. My . . . guy and I spend a lot of time debating these things, or we did. Then they get ironed out, or they become what they are. It’s reassuring to see that happen for other people; makes it seem a normal process.
I love the new banner, incidentally.
Thanks! I’m fond of it myself. In the whole image you can see that the women are wielding weapons.
I really love (the thought) of both submission and subjugation (great word choice, by the by). The thought of willing submission makes me feel like my body is expanding, and I feel kind of high. Subjugation is what gives me orgasms. They’re two very different things, but like you said, I see no reason why you can’t flip from one to the other depending on the mood or fantasy.