Yesterday in the comments, Richard expressed surprise when I claimed to like fear. I asked Joscelin via IM whether he knew this (that I like fear), expecting that of course he did, but he actually said that, if asked, he would have given a positive but lukewarm answer.
Fear is tricky. I’m usually reassuring and kind in a scene, rather than intentionally scary. I like the fear to come from what I do and perhaps a little bit from my kind manner as I do something horrendous. (That latter bit is just a fantasy. When I am kind it’s for its own sake, not to cause fear through some perverse mechanism.)
I like the idea that Jos is afraid of me. Lying in bed together, my fantasy is that he’s a little bit afraid, knowing that I can do anything, and that he won’t try to stop me. And my fantasy is that if I turn to look at him with intent, his fear will grow.
But fear has other effects, and I don’t want those. It makes him jumpy, insecure, untrusting. I want him to be afraid but I want it to be a deep river running behind his thoughts. I want him to be calmly afraid. I want him to know that he’s going to do whatever I ask of him, and take whatever I ask him to take, and for the calm itself to make him afraid.
Back in reality, the calm is more useful and thus more important than the fear. So, for this reason and because I always feel very kind towards Jos during a scene, I almost always act calming instead of trying to induce fear. When I do try to induce fear (usually before a scene), it usually doesn’t go well.
But do I like fear in principle? Oh hell yes.
7 responses so far ↓
sallo // 25 March 2008 at 5:01 pm
A primary reason I would say that it is obvious you like fear is that on this blog you tend to describe Jos’s reactions to you with an interpretation/fantasy-mind-reading-overlay that has fear as a signficant component, and you find that hot.
femsup // 28 March 2008 at 9:48 pm
I think your partners greatest fear is just how much he is longing and prepared to take.He might be thinking “I hate and fear this now but in a half an hours time I will reflect on it and find it so hot and right.
Dw3t-Hthr // 29 March 2008 at 1:49 pm
It’s an interesting thing.
I was explaining to my liege yesterday that when he bites me on the shoulder, it hurts; when he bites me where the shoulder flows into my neck, it parses as ’sex’; when he bites me elsewhere on the neck, it parses as ‘dominance’.
And the reason the biting on the softer parts of neck parses as ‘dominance’ is the thrill of fear that goes with it, the sense of risk and potential damage, the necessary trust that comes of submitting to that.
And we get a little rough with each other at times, and last night I bit him on the shoulder, and he wound his fingers through my hair and pulled my head back and there were teeth at my throat. And that little thrill of fear was not so little, right then, and he murmured, “Mine,” and it was so clearly a ‘no, I get to bite, now, you don’t’ …
Mmm. :)
Richard // 31 March 2008 at 12:56 pm
One form of fear that I regret having never tried is knife-play. I’ve been told the mere site of seeing a knife in a woman’s hands while you are bound quite perversely induces an erection.
devastatingyet // 31 March 2008 at 1:33 pm
I bet knives make you think of Eileen. That’s how it is for me, anyway.
Richard // 31 March 2008 at 1:58 pm
Eileen likes boots :)
Actually, a female sadist who signs herself as “R” comments on my blog on and off (she doesn’t keep one of her own) and it was she that mentioned the effect of knife play.
It wasn’t kink I’d thought of at that point. But the fear / arousal connection sounds fascinating.
almostmagic // 1 April 2008 at 9:16 pm
I’m sure it depends on the person when it comes to knives and erections. Last time I had my Big Scary Knife out during a scene, Derek went from rock hard to completely soft. Of course, I’m pretty sure I was talking about slicing his testicles while he was bound and helpless…. :P