femininity and feminization

I am not girly.  I am not particularly butch at all, but even in early childhood, I resisted girliness, and rankled when my grandmother told me, “Act like a little lady.”  Looking through old photo albums, you can see the exact point at which I started to have control over my own clothing – a seemingly instantaneous switch from pretty little dresses and sets to t-shirts and shorts or jeans.

When I wrote the post the other day about not liking to dress up like a dominatrix, I thought of forced feminization, which is how dressing up that way would feel to me. 

I had an argument once with a local (non-pro) dom named Mistress Valerie.  I was explaining to her about not being girly, and about not liking femininity very much.  I told her, for instance, that I own no jewelry at all (which isn’t intentional but, given that I’m 33 and not impoverished, is definitely some kind of revealed preference). 

She quizzed me about this, in her abrupt way, and I told her that, in my opinion, femininity is basically a tool that the patriarchy uses to oppress women.  As best I can recall, she found my argument ridiculous.  She asked me something like, “How can you be a woman and against femininity?”  I didn’t belabor the point.  (I anger Mistress Valerie in some way or other every time that we meet.  I think this was the first time.)

A few minutes later, a guy across the room was talking about how much he loves to be humiliated by being dressed up in women’s panties and such-like.  She gave him a well-deserved (I felt at the time) hard time about why, exactly, he considered it humiliating to be like a woman.  Are women lesser creatures?  What the hell?  (This is pretty much the same argument that Bitchy makes in the link above.)

But to the extent that femininity really is a tool of patriarchal oppression, then its use as a humiliation device is perfectly sensible.  If you’re turned on by humiliation, then why not be turned on by being made to wear clothing that is uncomfortable, impractical, and designed to emphasize your inferior status?

I’m still not into forced feminization.  And I know a lot of women’s clothing is actually soft and comfortable – delicate in a good way.  (Jos wore my underwear to bed one time and I was amazed how soft and nice it felt.)  And I prefer men who like to wear women’s clothes because they enjoy feeling soft, sensual, and sexy, rather than because they think being like a woman is humiliating.

But I still think guys who are humiliated by femininity are onto something.