This is from February, but Freaksexual’s post “How to negotiate play parties, for men” is brilliant. I find the advice relatively gender-neutral, even.
The parties I go to generally don’t involve sex (just scenes), but the principles are the same. This tiny point is probably my favorite bit:
When actually saying what you want to say, be brief and direct: a quick expression of desire is much more comfortable than beating around the bush. Also, do not expect an immediate response. The word “later” is your good friend. Asking someone to come find you later if they are interested will reduce the pressure on them, which in turn means they are more likely to play with you. The standard play party proposition goes something like: “I have been checking you out tonight, and you seem very cool. If you are interested in playing, come find me later.”
Go read the whole thing.
2 responses so far ↓
pepomint // 2 January 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hey! I’m glad you liked it!
I’ve heard from a couple different folks that this is good advice for women as well. (Certainly, I met a woman at a play party a little while ago who screwed up on a number of these points.) I would love for someone to get into tips for negotiating play parties as a woman, and specifically how the dynamics differ, aside from the pretty straightforward “skeezeballs may hit on you” stuff.
I am enjoying your blog. Nice to meet you!
devastatingyet // 2 January 2008 at 6:10 pm
You too, pepomint. I’ve been reading your blog for a while but just not commenting :-)