kissing revelation

I have to admit, I have never been that into kissing.  I typically really like kissing someone at the beginning of the relationship, but then my interest fades.  In the beginning, it’s sexy and exciting, the way everything is in the beginning.  Later, it’s mostly kind of rote, and in my past relationships, it has always diminished in frequency over time.

I have a friend from high school who I occasionally have sex with.  (I was his first lover, back when I had way more experience, but since then he’s had more than I have; he calls me his “every prime number” lover, while for me, he’s more like my every other lover.)  And while I probably have kissed him, I don’t remember ever kissing him.  I know we haven’t kissed at all the last few times we’ve had sex.  That’s how unimportant kissing has been for me.

The other day, Joscelin was kissing me in his bed.  I was lying on my back and he was crouched above me.  Nothing really felt wrong to me, but he pulled away after a minute and said, “You’re really not up for kissing me today.”

I said, “I like kissing you,” and he started kissing me again, and my attention kicked in and I realized, yeah, I wasn’t into it.

“I don’t like kissing from the bottom,” I said.

Oh my fucking god.  I really do not like kissing from the bottom.  (It’s boring, mostly.  And slightly stressful.)  Yet this is how I kissed every previous lover most of the time.  I find kissing from the top several orders of magnitude more engaging, and I don’t actually remember ever doing it before Joscelin came along.  (I must have, sometime.  But I seriously don’t remember it.)

I was discussing this with my roommate, who has been very open to hearing about all of the d/s, but who is more or less fundamentally opposed.

“Joscelin has really been an incredible gift in your life,” he said.

Yeah.