It’s been a while since Joscelin and I fucked – maybe a week. I want to write about what the fucking is like because it is so striking to me.
I like to start out on top. The sensation isn’t as good, but I can control the entry, and I just love being on top of him. (The fucking is almost secondary at that point, for me. It’s like there’s an idea of fucking that goes along with whatever I am really doing. Not that I don’t feel it. It whets my appetite for what is to come.)
I love kissing him like that. I descend on him from above and just completely control him. I can press his head into the pillow or pull away until we can barely touch lips and tongues. I can hold him down by his hair. I can bite his ears or neck. I can take his hands with mine and pin them down with my weight while I do it. I can do anything I want.
When we flip over so he’s on top, it starts to feel incredible. It is the best fucking I’ve ever felt, and I think this is for a simple reason.
See, there are two basic “modes” in which he fucks me. One of them is what he does when I tell him he can come, and it’s designed to give him the sensation he needs for that. It’s good – it’s fucking – but it’s not great. I think this is the only mode in which previous lovers fucked me.
But the main way he fucks me is completely different, and feels just incredible. Unless he’s really primed, he can’t come that way, which is fine. I’ve never come just from fucking, but sometimes when we do it, I feel like I might.
I don’t even know why it feels as good as it does. It’s primal. It blisses me out. Each stroke is its own separate instance of pleasure.
And when I open my eyes, he’s right there with me, wanting nothing more than to serve me in this exact way. His arms got stronger so he could do it longer. He learned just how to move. He stops and starts when I tell him to.
I want to be fucked exactly like this for the rest of my life.
