polyamory

It seems like everyone has been writing about polyamory lately.  It’s something I have a slightly complicated relationship with.

Right now, my agreement with Joscelin is simple.  We are each allowed to have scenes with other people as long as the other is given the option of being present.  We are allowed to ask for permission to have sex with other people, with no presumption of the permission being granted.  (How do you distinguish scenes from sex?  Common sense, I guess.  Someone groping his penis while he’s tied to a cross for a beating isn’t sex; using a paddle while you fuck someone doesn’t make it a scene.)

The truth is, if Jos did want to have sex with someone else, I would almost certainly agree to it.  The benefit for me of his having to ask my permission is that I’d get to discuss it with him ahead of time, impose conditions if I felt any were necessary, and get to feel generous in allowing it to happen.

I suspect that Jos would also give me permission if I asked, but I’m not sure exactly what his feelings, needs, or conditions would be.

The mistress of the submissive man who called me “Mistress [Devastating]” Saturday is also the girlfriend of another cute guy I plan to have top me at some point.  One or both of them (which “them”?  take your pick) have spouses as well.  They were talking about this at the club Saturday.  I think the whole thing sounds terrifically cool, and I suspect if I am ever in a really long-term relationship with another like-minded person, I’ll end up being more poly than now.

I am not easily made jealous.  I had a threesome with Jos and his ex-mistress, with whom he was (and is) still in love, and only had a few pangs now and then.  I was happy to be able to host it, happy to be cool and generous about things, and happy for him to have the experience.  (I also enjoyed the hell out of it myself, but I’m talking about what I feel instead of jealousy about him having sex with her.)

So why not be poly right now?  Frankly, I don’t want Joscelin to spend time on a whole different romantic partner.  But also, I don’t really trust myself to have more than one partner.  In my experience, I bond strongly with one person at a time, and I don’t want my intense romantic energy going towards another person.

For me, scenes are different.  I don’t know how one person can fully satisfy another’s kinks.  But since I’m accustomed to having scenes at the club – so much so that I initially had to make an effort to incorporate anything kinky at all in my at-home sex with Jos – they are also easily kept distinct from actual sex.

bye for a few days

I’m having neck surgery tomorrow.  It’s to handle a herniated disc (C6-C7 if you’re into anatomy) that I’ve been dealing with for over four years now.  They basically go in through the front of the neck, clear out the disc (which is kind of a hockey puck / jelly donut type of thing between the vertebrae), put a bone shim in where the disc was, and screw a plate on over the whole thing.  Over time the bones all fuse together and what was once a sort of very slightly flexible joint is now just one piece of bone.   Hopefully it’s one piece of bone that doesn’t make your neck, shoulder, and arm hurt all the goddamn time.

I’ll probably be back in a few days with more ramblings.

don’t call me mistress

Something fun happened to me at the club Saturday. 

There is a sweet local couple I really like, a nice F/m couple, middle-aged, to whom I introduced myself at Thunder (the big local bdsm conference).  But I had seen them before at the club.

Saturday, the guy of the couple was there without his…mistress?  (I’m not sure what they call each other.)  We chatted for a minute or so and he called me “Mistress [Devastating].”

“Oh gosh, don’t call me Mistress,” I said.  “Only Jos calls me Mistress.”

He apologized and said he should have asked first.

“No, I mean, I’m not offended or anything.  It’s just…it feels silly.”

I stand by that.  I don’t want people calling me Mistress just because I’m a dom.  I don’t really think it’s right.  But god did I like that he did it all on his own.  It kind of made my night.  I really wish I’d gotten a chance to talk to him more later, but I was all caught up in the Martingale thing.