I was commenting over on Richard’s blog (on “Superior Tops & Inferior Bottoms”) today. The post was about the idea that doms need to be actually superior to their subs, which is obviously poppycock, but the point I wanted to make was about how I think about Joscelin. I was saying that if it helps him to think of all the ways I kick ass – if it helps him in his submission – then that’s great.
But I sure as hell don’t do the reverse. Jos is human and has flaws, but his flaws are not what makes being his mistress so delicious, satisfying, and sexy. Sometimes he makes himself weak for me (by, for instance, begging), and I take that as a gift, and it turns me on to see it. (God, does it ever.) But the idea that he just, all by himself, is weak or inferior has no appeal.
Instead, this is how I think about Joscelin himself.
He’s smart. I don’t really believe that humans have an immutable intelligence factor (whatever IQ tests measure), but his raw processing power is immense in some areas (geometrical reasoning, for instance.) We were discussing his thesis at some point and he was drawing some diagrams and formulas and this turned me on. (I told him so, and he laughed, and I said, “You’d feel the same way if I were doing it,” and he agreed. Lovely geek love.)
He’s ethical and emotionally literate. Like me, he seems to have spent a long time working, from scratch, on ideas of how human relationships should work. We come to the same conclusions in these areas over and over and over again, and I love that. He has a strong sense of fairness and justice, which means both that he is fair with me and that he can recognize and appreciate my own fairness.
He’s what I call “soft.” Our culture breeds men to be emotionless, hard, and non-communicative. Men who are not like this – men who feel, on their everyday level, really safe, kind, and open – I call “soft,” and this is a quality I greatly value.
He’s passionate. Where my own emotions run towards fear and insecurity, his run towards anger. In the abstract, the idea of his strong anger is a big turn-on – all of that wonderful energy. (This also partly explains my big Internet crush on Maymay. Original, I know.) The idea of him being angry at me makes me want to cry, but in actual practice, when he gets mad it often excites and energizes me. I can match the energy level and just ride it. (It’s not just anger – he’s passionate all over – but the anger is the most striking to me. I already wrote about our mutual love of drama, which is part of the same thing.)
He’s brave. Sometimes I don’t even know what I mean by this – is it “brave” to submit if submitting is a deep need? But I see the way he takes pain for me. I see the way he looks at me. During his most vulnerable times, he is willing to face my anger and correction.
He loves words. He listens to me when I talk (which is pretty much all of the damn time). He talks back. Sometimes I think I have sex and scenes just to give us topics to talk about later; he nearly matches me in this. When I say “Ask me a difficult question,” he knows how. He understands all the verbal games.
His body is…I don’t know what adjective to use. On Richard’s blog I think I called him “lunky and nearly-handsome” or something like that. The first night I met him I thought he was gorgeous; the next time I saw him I couldn’t figure out why. His hair is soft and wavy/curly. He’s way taller than me. He’s not buff but there are aspects of buffness to him. (He way outclasses me in the looks department – I’d post a picture of me if I weren’t afraid of driving off my tiny readership – but this isn’t about that.) He’s young and has the body of a young man. He’s hot.
See for yourself. (I could eat him up. Or beat him up. Either way.)