I went to bed last night (way too late) all happy and contented and dom-feeling. I stayed up late IM’ing with Jos, and we talked about a lot of hot kinky things, and he wanted to come, and I told him no, and kept telling him the hottest things I could think of, and kept telling him no, until he was reduced to begging. And then I still told him no. And eventually I told him to stop touching himself, breathe deeply for a couple of minutes, and then go eat and go to bed, which he needed to do. It was hot.
I’ve had one lover who would beg me to have sex with him (on the rare occasions that I refused) and I never failed to give in, because I just can’t resist another person’s baldly stated need. But in that context, even though it “worked,” it was kind of a yucky thing – I don’t really believe in pressuring and cajoling someone into having sex with you.
Jos’s begging is different. I know he will accept whatever answer I give. And I know he’s intentionally allowing himself to be humbled.
Do I view him as small and pathetic when he does this? Well, there is that element to it, or it wouldn’t be humbling, would it? Mostly I feel turned on, and I see what he’s doing for me. Bitchy Jones (who is really giving me a wonderful, positive framework from which to view these experiences) has a nice post “How to Look Good Humiliated” (and for you non-bdsm folks, it is better than you’d probably imagine) that includes the lines
It’s worth banging on about this, because, for men who can do it – who get it – there’s a perfect kind of dignity in being degraded. A level of bravery that can offer the self as well as the skin.
I love a man who can still look me in the eye. Always. No matter what he’s looking up from.
and that all sounds a bit cheesy taken out of context, but really makes perfect sense to my heart. I don’t see a pathetic person begging me for scraps. I see a strong person allowing himself to be reduced to begging, knowing and trusting that I see it for what it is – abject, yes, but freely chosen and given to me. Power exchange.