I’ve been looking for the blogs of other female doms lately, and found Bitchy Jones, who reminds me more of myself than anyone I’ve run across so far. But her post “What it Feels Like to Hurt a Man Until it Makes You Have an Orgasm” is especially incredible. The post is not exactly how it is for me, but it’s damned close.
I like pain. I like it quite simple. I don’t want to be distracted or have my concentration focused outside of my body. I don’t do anything flash. I’m generally uncoordinated and clumsy. I know there is little point in me trying to be all fancy with whips or anything too clever or hard to handle. I’m not dexterous. I can’t put on a show. … My skill set is tiny. What I do is often unaesthetic and messy and awkward. But I’ve been doing this a while and what I do works. It hurts and it doesn’t rupture internal organs. It turns me on and I am now at point where I know that that is fine. That hurting men can be something that is decidedly not performance art and that is fucking damn okay. It’s sex, not cabaret.
And this part really speaks to my own experiences:
I often put clamps on him now and if he doesn’t scream really fucking loud, I take them off and put them on him again. And that’s really painful. And this is the first point where I might feel a bit droppy. Sometimes it’s like a lonely feeling. It’s lonely at the top. A dark homesickness. They’ll be a scream that thuds hard right into my cunt and something like remorse will break over me. Like waking up from a dream of doing something terrible. And sometimes I’ll pause for so long that I’ll find him frowning at me, like, why have you stopped?
But go read the whole thing, please.